Well, because many of my friends haven't friend my new lj name (TBQ), I figure I would display my news here as well. U of M is offering 40000$ over four years! And I'm rather excited. :)

NOW ALL OF YOU WHO HAVEN'T ADDED MY NEW NAME! ADD ME!
I don't like cross-posting in different journals. :-P

I find myself updating in this journal.
I said I was finished with it.
I said that I was finished feeling the way I was.

But I lied.

I lied to everyone.
But most of all, I lied to myself.

I'm not going to completely explain this.
Because I know that most people will not understand what I have to say.
Whether that's because I won't let you.
Or you just won't.
It's not worth it.
Yet.
(Of course, this isn't meant to imsult anyone.)
(It's just that, I don't even really understand it.)
(So, one can't explain something that they can't very well explain vividly.)

At this moment, I feel like there is only one person in this world that has any notion of who am I.
A notion isn't that much.
That person is the only person I know that sees through me.
I hate it most of the time.
Honestly.
Because he's always right.
And that means, I'm wrong.
And I hate being wrong.
More than anything else.
Ever.

He and I used to be really close friends.
But then I hated him for the wrong reasons.
Once again, I was wrong.

But of course, he's not the focus of this journal entry.
In this forbidden journal.

I constantly tell people things about me.
But no one really knows me.
You know things about me.
But you don't know me.
You see/know nothing.
And, you might think that's an insult.
But it's not.
It's the truth.
You see nothing.
Nothing being a person.
You see someone without an identity.
Without feelings.
Without care.
Without love.

And I feel as if people don't really care.
Maybe that's because I won't let them.
Because I don't want hurt and disappointment.
I mean, I let Josh care.
And he broke my heart.

Yeah, I said his name.
And said what he did.
I need to.
It's killing me.
And you all thought I was okay with it.
But I'm not.
It hurt a lot.
And still does.
And it's going to hurt worse now.
Because I didn't admit this all a while ago.

At this point.
I don't know what to think about anything.
Nor will I try to decipher anything.
Because I'm done with thinking for a while.
Thinking and I haven't been getting along lately.
It and I are like two little children, fighting over the same prize.
Nothing is getting accomplished.
At all.

I kinda just want to be left alone.
To cry my heart out.
Because I'm sad.
But it always seems as if I view life as a funny, pointless joke.

However, in a world where the sweetest paradox remains.
Nothing was right and nothing was wrong.

Well, he broke up with me.
And I cried.
In the van.
At work, in the bathroom.
Yeah, I was sad.

But at work, I decided something.
I'm done with this eljay.
Too many depressing situations have been said on it.

I'm ready to have a different name.
And a different journal.

When I get a new one.. which should be tonight.
I'll post the name.
And anyone that wants to be my friend.
Add me.

The new journal name is tbq. Add me?

I sit here.
With nothing to say.
Except.
Good night moon!

i♥you!

Starting SUNDAY the 18th going until

December 18- Working 4-10:30
December 19- Working 4-10:30
December 20- NOTHING!
December 21- Working 4-10:30
December 22- NOTHING!
December 23- Solo Ensemble practice 10-12!
December 24- Working 4-10:30
December 25- Working 9-6:30
December 26- Solo Ensemble Practice 10-12 Working 4-10:30 (AHHH! I'm going to hate this day!)
December 27- Solo Ensemble Practice 10-1
December 28- Solo Ensemble Practice 10-12 (Work schedule unknown!)
December 29- Solo Ensemble Practice 10-12 (Work schedule unknown!)

Allright.
You know my schedule.
Now, plan when we are hanging out.
HOKAY!
KTHX!
I'm willing to hang out before or after (for you special friends ^_~) work.
SO LET'S HANG OUT!

( 12yearoldFelicia! )

( 17yearoldFelicia! )

All right.
So I keep dreaming about the same people every single night.
Do you think that's a sign or something?
Maybe it's just that I think about those people all the time.
Ah well.
It doesn't really matter.
Because xmas break is starting this Wednesday.
:)
And I forgot that I have solo ensemble practice over break.
So, there is going to be even less time for me to hang out.
Oh well.
Maybe I should have the practices here.
And then I can hang out with people.
And practice.

LOL.

Whelps, I gotta go.
Need to study for math.
And clean the kitchen and my room.

Peace out!

Mis padres vamos a ir a la casa de mi auntie rae!

WHO WANTS TO HANG OUT AND POSSIBLY BAKE COOKIES?!?!

If so, you should leave a message here.
Or, instant message me.
divisionsubpar
Or, maybe, leave me an email.
divisionsubpar@gmail.com.

Or randomly appear at my house in two hours!
But, eh, I'd like notice first. :):)

My dreams last night were very... queer.
Hm, oh well!

♥!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOLLYELDER!

 

♥

So.
We talked.
I told him what I've decided.
He listened.
As always.
But I'm glad he listened.
Because I need him to listen to this.
I'm just really glad I told him this though.
*smiles*

Work from 4-10:30 @ walgreens.
Come buy things from me at the cosmetics counter!
10 and SCHOENHER!

Talk to you all tonight.

:)

ARGH!

GRR!

*Frustration*

All right. I'm done.

School was school.
I almost killed Michael several times.
If only I had the guts!
And I'm uncertain why I'm so angry with him.
The rest of the day was boring.
And relatively quite.

Drama was interesting.
Needless to say.
I didn't try out for the major parts.
I don't want a big part.
I just want to be in the play.
To everyone that tried out, you did well.
and yes, joshua, that includes you.
everyone stumbles over a few things.
don't worry about it.
no matter what part you get, you'll do great.
i ♥ you

the concert was awesome.
i'm proud of sarah and i.
we covered the psychotic first part well.
goooo ussss!

now, i'm procrastinating my homework by talking to holly and nikki.
haha.
gotta go!

i love you all!

!fw!

I'm filling out christmas cards...
Who wants one?

:)

Pituch wasn't here today.
That makes me happy.
Another day that I didn't have to take that quiz.
I understood everything today.
But oh well.
It doesn't really matter to me.

I need to catch up in calculus.
That might be a problem.
But I'm sure that I can do it tonight if I put my mind to it.

I think that I didn't do too well on the quiz from yesterday.
But that's all right.
I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. LOL!

Woot, drama tryouts today.
I'm excited!
And yes, that's in my monotone voice.
That everyone makes fun of me for.
Especially josh.
Haha.

Have a great day everyone!

Pituch.
An awesome man.
:)

lol.
I might get shot for saying that.

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELWOOD P. DOWD!!! ;)
Alex, hope you have/had a great day.
That isn't filled with fisting and boobs. ;)

Well, I attempted most of my homework.
It's not that hard.
Except the chemistry.
The chemistry is difficult.
And we have a quiz on Monday.
Haha.
That's a joke.
Yay, goooo me!
:)

I downloaded a butt load of music today.
Some stuff from fob and panic! at the disco.
All in all, my day was all right.

Except for the behavior of that one woman that I know.
But it's all good.

My body shakes
My heart races
My hand sweat
My lungs hurt
And I wonder...

i ♥ you.

Felicia.

Recommend a band or song to me.
I need to listen to new music.

I wish I knew that side of you.
I'm not person you thought I was.
And you're not the person I thought you were.
Honesty is the best policy.
So, maybe, we should trade some stories.
When we hang out.
Sometime soon.

Cast party was tonight.
Enough said.
I found a lot of interesting things.
And did a few interesting things.
Oy vey.
I'm glad I decided against taking the ACT tomorrow.
I wouldn't be able to concentrate anyway.

Oy vey.
I think that could be repeated twenty times.
And it would never be enough.
But that's how life goes.
As I've noticed.

G'night everyone.
I ♥ that boy. :)

!Felicia!

I'm so tired.
Ahh!
Even after I've taken my shower, my body is still sleeping.

I need to get dressed and call Bethany.
But I'm just not moving.
At all.

Today is the last day for Harvey.
You all should come see it tonight.
@ the CLHS Auditorium.
@ 7 p.m. for 3$!

It would mean the world to me if you did.
Just because I love seeing people I know in the audience.

Whelps, it's time for me to face the world.
And that horrible stage makeup.
♥

Have a great day!
!Felicia!

Well, the play went well today.
I love when we do well.
It makes me happier than anyone could ever realize.

And now, I'm getting ready for work. :/
I have a six hour shift today.
I wonder if I'll survive.

And I probably will.
I just am really tired.
And I want to go to sleep.

Who wants to hang out during xmas break?
(It's coming closer than you think)

It's all about the reasons I'll never know.
I just wanna know what you feel.

In actuality, I hope work goes by fast.
I have a long day tomorrow.
And I want to be home, in bed.

I love you all.
♥jb

F.W. :)